The picture is of my mom, the kiddos, the puppy, Zita, and me. It was taken just last month after my mom had come for a wonderful long visit. This is at the airport--saying Good-bye to Grandma.
Today, I had a doctor's appt with a new doctor. I haven't seen a male OB/Gyn since I was a teenager. 4 out of 5 of my kids (I sound like one of those toothpaste commercials!--"4 out of 5 dentists recommend......") were born with midwives. Anyways, he was a nice guy which was a nice surprise. I knew I was way overdue for an annual and with not having a real period for 10 weeks with no pregnancy and pain, I felt it was time to work up my guts and get to a doctor. Well, I have no vanity left, after having 5 babies, so the "getting undressed, put your feet in the stirrups, scooch to the end of the table" bit didn't bother me. The pelvic exam, however, did. OUCH!!
So, he found a mass on my left ovary--could be a cyst--could be a cyst --could just be cyst --keep repeating. I have another appointment, tomorrow. They are doing an ultrasound on me to figure things out better. I cried when he found whatever he found. Not only did it hurt, but I got scared. 5 little ones and my own mortality flashed before me. I apologized afterwards when we were in his office for the consult. He apologized for the pain, but I said that a lot of the tears were due to being a little freaked out about the whole situation. I told him that my grandma and gr.grandmother both died by 48 and my Aunt Nancy died at 51. All victims of cancer. They joke (or, rather used to joke before my aunt's short and tragic bout with cancer)--morbidly-about the "family curse". It took my aunt in under 3 weeks!! Everyone thought it would hit my mom, but she is a healthy (albeit some weird cancer scares) and active 65 year old who will outlive us all.
Has it hit me? Is this the beginning? What a dark question. I know God will take care of my children. I am not so vain as to believe that I am the only one who could raise my children well --although this is very hard to say as my own pride gets in the way. I pray everyday to be a good parent to my children. I ask for help in raising them so they will honor God with their very lives. I know that I will answer God and God alone at my end about the choices that I make for my family while I am here on Earth. Lord, please make me an instrument of Your work here on Earth. Help me to be worthy of the promises of Christ! Whatever part of my heart is not all for You, take it. I give it to you freely! I do pray that it be God's will that I be healthy so that I can raise these beautiful blessings.
I did have a little moment of anger in all of this. I was thinking, "What if instead of there being some kind of mystery mass, it had been found out that I was pregnant?" How would Chris' family have reacted?? Isn't it backwards and very very sad that I think they would rather hear that I had cancer than that I was pregnant with a sixth child. This thought makes me cry--not only for me but for my husband. God, please soften the hearts of my in-laws. Let them see these dear sweet children as the gifts from You that they are meant to be seen as!! AMEN!
Hah!! I stayed up most of last night researching my garden pests, then was up too too early with my little Bridget Bird (she has a croupy respiratory cold) in a steamy bathroom to clear her lungs. I found that the squash vine borer is easiest to catch at dawn and dusk. Sure enough! At 6am, I woke Sara and Cameron and went bug hunting! We caught her! She is in a jar, and I didn't think to take a picture of her, so I found this picture of ummm...a cousin of hers.
http://bugguide.net/node/view/62655
Then, I checked for vine damage. There was a slit in one of the pumpkin vines, but doesn't look like anything at home, so I covered that part of the vine with soil and then covered lots of other places of vine. I also heaped soil up over the thicker vine/stem of all the squashes and zukes to keep any unseen vine borers from laying eggs where the plant is most susceptible. I watered all of the places that I had covered/buried so that roots will form. This way, if I do have a borer, it won't take the whole plant.
I am feeling a bit better about the war with the beasties. Feeling a bit victorious right about now. Doing a little touchdown dance, and yet, I know that I will need to check everyday now. There were squash bug nymphs all over the scaloppinis!! Dead now, but I am sure they'll be back. I thank God for the great wisdom He has bestowed upon me. Always watchful is the message of the day. God gives us the strength and knowledge to defeat our enemies. We just need to be watchful and when in too deep, call for help. I must take the steps, but trust the path. Jesus, help me to always trust in you!!
Well, here I am, in the middle of the night, composing my very first blog. Ummm........Yay!!
I have wanted a garden for more years than I can remember, and now that I have one, I am so happy. It is growing so well. God is so truly good to me. I have harvested 15 gallon bags of lettuce, 3 long Satsuki Midori cukes, 9 regular cukes, and many many zucchini and round french zucchini. This is so gratifying as it is only June--okay, I guess technically, it is now July 1.
I am so upset! Here I was glowing in my garden success and I didn't know to look for pests, or what those pests would look like. I feel so incredibly STUPID!! I wonder if Adam knew what he was to be protecting the Garden of Eden from, or if he, like me, got wrapped up in the beauty of it and didn't pay close attention to the danger that can sneak up on you when you feel most secure!!
Okay! So, now I know. I have lost my largest French zucchini plant --the one we called "The Monster." Tomorrow, I know what to do. I have to look for the signs of squash vine borers. I thought squash bugs were the worst predator--turns out it is this lovely red and black moth that lays miniscule eggs that turn into larva that bore into the stem of the squash and eat their way out destroying the plant from the inside!! Oh, the lessons we can take from a garden!
My garden middle-of-the-night musings: So, how's this for an analogy? We don't see those small sins until they become a large habit that can end up sapping our control. I love the quote--wish I knew who to give credit to-"We are either all for God, or we're not." Powerful statement!! A beautiful moth that leaves undetectable eggs (But God sees all!) that end up taking over the plant when full grown!!
Here is a picture of "The Monster". I'll post a picture tomorrow when I go critter hunting in the garden.
